Life isn't a glass of water, more likely one of rotten lime juice.

You know how it seems as though every second spent with a certain person feels never enough. When you say goodbye, it becomes more difficult than it usually would. You start thinking about when you will ever be able to see that person again and wished you had said something sweet to the person just to let the person know you cared more than the grim, emotionless, suave, couldnt care-less person you pretend to be?

I come from a broken family, torn apart by violence. I don't like talking about it, it is never an enjoyable experience for me to talk about my family. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate either my Mom or Dad. It's just horribly terrifying speak to anybody at all to tell them that my family was fucked up. To explain the nitty-gritty details that simply beg for more explanation and a clearer elaboration of what actually happened. My Father once told me, "Every family quarrels, it's normal." In his reign of sheer dominance, I nodded blankly. Sure, there were always its happy moments, spent abroad and the times we sat together in the living area to watch a movie or something. Hell, I cannot remember the last time I've seaten on a couch and felt like a family was there. Ever since my parents split up, there is this void within me that has never been filled. No, I'm not one of those guys that go all macho and say "So what? Shit hits the ceiling fan, so what?" I try to be, on the outside. Deep within I am torn by my parent's separation to the extent that I feel dead. I don't feel happy anymore when someone does something special for me anymore, I don't find joy in being good in sports, I don't pride myself in being able to sing. It's as though everything that made me feel anything, had died along with my parent's relationship.

'For the heart pines and mind seeks, but the answers from you, you yourself keep.'

I have strong belief in this mindset or rather human actions explanatory statement. That if you know the problem, you know the solution to solving the problem. That's a mindset that I live by day to day, tackling everyday problems that anyone of you out there would face. For this emptiness inside me, I do know the problem but just how do I go about solving it. There is no King who knows every god damned thing in the world, thats why they had Alchemists and Fortune Tellers. Counselling, for the last time in the world does not help a single bit. Unless, you are incapable of deriving what you truly feel within. Sure, they offer some advice that if weighed in gold would serve a fortune fit for any Bill Gates or Donald Trump. Or maybe it's just me, just my own perspective that I am more intelligent than the guy opposite me. Trying to make me feel like a small kid and comfort me, treating me gently with the touch of a Father to his newly born child. Well, fuck that. I don't need you to be understanding, I don't need you. Therefore, my thesis on why counselling is fucked up.

So, at the end of the day. Where/What/Why are the things that I do to keep myself sane?


A good ol' glass of 10,000 year lime juice.